Thriller!

 

One last Halloween post.

Hope you think it’s funny as much as I do.

My fellow Pinoys

My fellow pinoys…in five days it’s election time.  Please do not forget, as an American citizen or a Naturalized American Citizen, your right to cast your ballot.  Take note I said ballot and not balut!  Big difference. A balut is a food we test the loyalty of our not-pinoy friends.  My fellow white friends, in case you did not know or your pinoy (Filipino) friend(s) has not let you in on this type of food it is because this type of food just ups the ante on culinary nastiness.

Psssst!  Hoy!

Please do not put “Manny Pacquiao” for president.  Even if  he’s been to Vegas and you’ve seen him box and win countless times on pay-per-view.  He is not an American citizen.

Please do not treat this election like “Dancing With The Stars” just because Cheryl ain’t dancing with either candidate, you still have to vote.  Text messaging is not a form of electoral voting.

No you cannot wish for either candidate to go in the octagon with UFC Brandon Vera and see who outlast- to much liability involve.

And no, no, no, Sarah Palin will never be in any of our beauty pageant.  

  Oh,sige! see you at the polls.

The Jackass Republican

Profile:  privileged Caucasian male in late 20s to early 40s

Job Description:  trust fund and running a small company handed by pops

In search of:  a clone of Elizabeth Hasselbeck

Political Views:  confused on his own republican agenda

Tag Line:  like to sound impressive by saying historical quotes like “Thomas Jefferson is ready for us to fertilize the tree of liberty”

Strength:  talk on false convictions

Weakness:  ignoring the deeper realities

Hates:  Obama (thinks he’s a socialist)

Beliefs:  Global warming is not real

Heroes:  Dick Chaney and Master Chief from Halo

Favorite Place:  His SUV

Groups:  corporate appendages roadies

Hobbies:  accusing others as “sheepole”

Halloween Questionare

Halloween is one of our favorite holiday besides Chriskwanukkah (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah).  So the following questionare is to jump start your halloween ’spirit’ (no pun intended).  Git R done it’s in a week.

1.  Favorite Halloween Treat?

-  Kit-Kat, Twix

2.  Least Favorite Treat?

- Sugar daddy, Mary janes (these candies can seal your teeth together)

3.  Scariest movie ever seen?

- The Exorcist (1973)

- Audition (1999) subtitled, Japanese film ( you have been warned.  this movie will get into your psyche. )

4.  Best Costume

kids:

- Homemade (for additional merit) Luke Skywalker

materials:  over sized white sweat pants and sweat shirt (of course not home made)

but… 1 yard of burlap fabric (from a craft store) cut and shape into a vest.  Finished of with a cheese cloth (again fabric store) as a belt and a light saber for accessory and duck boots.

Merchant China Man

materials:  two basket (craft store), bamboo poles (home depot or any garden center), old clothes cut ramdomly in places, flip flops, rice hat (costume store) and fake mustache.

5.  Lamest Costume:

- A t-shirt that says “this is my costume”

6.  Weirdest Thing You ever found in your or your child’s treat bag?

- Religous flyer

- Toothbrush (has no trade-in value)

- Pencils

- McDonald’s french fries coupon (we never ever claim)

7.  Supertitous beliefs?

- None for me but my mom is superstitous  like turning the plate when someone is about to leave right before dinner or during dinner or you can’t have odd number of people when taking a picture (particularly having 3 people in the pix) this always leads to an argument in my family because my brother always teased me when we were young that I was going to die (i’m still here, sucka!)

8.  Do you think your house is haunted, have you experienced at one time some one is watching you, have you been ever been visited by a ’spirit’ particularly a loved-one?

- No my home is a happy home.

- No creepy eyes for me

- In dream like form and they were all positive experiences.

9.  Passing out candy or Trick-or-Treating with the kids?

Mine is the latter.

10.  Best part for guys and gals on Halloween?

- Females get to dress a little more provocative without being labeled or judge as a garden tool or simply put ” a ho fo sho!”

The Voice Mail

via Wikigeneration › Edit — WordPress

Since Halloween is coming soon, like about a week, I decided to post  scary short story (ies) of my own.

     They were inseparable since the day Carrie nervously stepped on the school bus as the ‘new girl’.  Back home she wouldn’t have had a kind of best friend like Brittany.  Carrie was ordinary and Brittany was everything Carrie wanted to be.  Everyone liked Brittany. A girl could only feel so privileged to even breathe the same air with her.  Brittany was beautiful with long golden hair and Carrie’s spectacle on her facial frame gives her a constant complex of her looks.  Nonetheless, Carrie was just as pretty if one cares to look long enough.   So both girls sat together each day and bantered as if that day is a new day.  When they weren’t together, they constantly kept in touch with each other.  They had matching phones for they were equal.  No shade less.  Each phone encased in rose pink and accessorized with half of charm hearts thus side by side the halves complimented each like a puzzle.  Their phone was their way to communicate each trivial part of the day.  Who’s going out with who, their like and dislike, boys, and more rambling about schoolwork and not so distant plans.  Not a trivial information is miss.  

     One evening, as the crisps fall air was starting to set in and the crimson glow of the moon oddly shone behind the thick gray clouds, they made a promise that they we’re always going to stay in touch and be best friends forever.  Carrie walked home and Brittany waved from the bus.  The evening was unusually bright as Carrie walk home preoccupied by the coming school dance.  She had never been to a dance before and she looked forward to going with Brittany and meeting the rest of her newfound friends.  Carrie was so elated she didn’t notice she was almost home when she heard a voice.  The lady was unusually tall with red hair just like the color of the crimson moon her skin was smooth but pallid and she had on her hand a heavy broom.  A little late for maintenance Carrie thought.  The pile of leaves rattle in the cold wind.  “Promises can turn into a vague longing on a night like this.” The lady spoke.  “Um…er I guess.”  Carrie simply replied not trying to be rude or annoyed.   Carrie swiftly ran to her front door.  Frantically she dialed her best friend number and Brittany did not answer.  Carrie thought it might just be a vain imagining and decided it was nothing. 

     It was an uneventful weekend for Carrie without Brittany.  Carrie busied herself with her usual household chores and homework.  The motion of her day was mundane with her best friend out of town.  Monday came and Carrie sat in their usual seat. No doubt Brittany would have filled her in about her weekend get away had Brittany not left the cell phone on the bus seat.  Carrie didn’t realize how much of her day revolved around her best friend so much since they met.  School was dull without Brittany and Carrie was glad that the day was over.  It was unusual for both of Carrie’s parents to be home on a weekday.  “Hi honey.”  Her mother’s tone was grave as she console Carrie.  Her father quickly grabbed her hand.  Carrie didn’t know that she would loose her best friend that Friday evening.  It would be the last time she would see her best friend’s smile.  An Unfortunate mishap took her best friend’s life too soon.  Carrie went to her room and cried in silence.  Moment’s pass and Carrie’s mother checked in on her condition.  “You have a message in your phone.”  Carrie, uninterested, let the electronic device reverberated on her bed while she stared furtively at the screen that says “1 new voice mail.”  She finally gathered enough strength to check her message.  “Hi Carrie it’s me Brittany.  It’s Sunday.  Call me back.”  Carrie gasp was it a coincidence or a consequence for wishing under the crimson moon.

 

 Happy haunting.

Happy Halloween.

 

After the walk

     I don’t know him very well but one didn’t have to know him well at all to know that he is a real good guy but if anyone was ever affected by destiny it was he.  I pace back and forth thinking of what I would say to a guy whose suffering from ALS.  It turns out none.

     I’ve seen him on occasion.  Once, we brushed elbows in between the pasta bowl and a plate of barbecue chicken. Today, however, was not one of those days.  He sits on a wheel chair still as dashing as ever since I last saw him. His wife under the circumstance stands dignified beside him.  They were both lovely.  His mood seemed to reflect a feeling of contentment.  Yet, I stammered for the words in my head.  I said hello as it turns out I was the one who was not prepared.  He said my name.  Inaudible yet his lips carved out a warm “Hey Meg” almost effortlessly.  I almost took off afraid he would see the tears welling in my eyes.  I gathered my composure and none of the words I preconceived in my head were the words that were going to be said instead I say, “There’s a lot of love in this room for you.”  No doubt he would have given me a hug if he could.  There was no need.   His eyes ruminate a thousand feelings of gratitude.

Growing Up F.O.B (Fresh Off the Boat)

     This morning I had a feeling of nostalgia perhaps it’s the cool crisp fall air that takes me back to the very first day I set foot on American soil twenty-four years ago.  I remember my first glimpse of the White House from the plane as we descend to Washington Dulles’ airport and it was cold.   It was the first time I caught sight of my breath in smoke and it was also a defining moment that I would grow up F.O.B.

Here are some of my recollections in no particular order:

    - There were no designated spaces for cleaning products and hair products so one day, I accidentally sprayed myself Lysol thinking it was hairspray.  I told my mother what had happen and she said I would be O.K. It will prevent me from getting lice at school.

-         The very first time I heard the phrase “Shot gun!” I actually ducked.

-         I wore Gitanoe corduroy to school purchased from Bradlees.

-         My friends labeled my house “The Embassy”.

-         There was endless supply of Tang and Spam in my house.

-         My mom constantly rubbed baby oil on my hair giving me the perpetual greasy look and kids at school constantly asked me “Why is your hair wet all the time?”

-         In High School, my dad once rigged my Corolla’s tail pipe with aluminum soda cans.

-         We had bathroom rugs as “area rugs”.  Our décor resembled the pre-American crack house motif, which now everyone is copying.

-         We had Christmas decoration on our lawn ALL YEAR LONG.

-         When I spoke English it was all in plural form.

-         The only music genre I know of was Tango.

-         We had condiments from McDonald’s and our napkins were from McDonald’s oh yeah straws too.

-         We had catalogs from Fingerhut.

-         I was constantly accused by my parents of ‘Gallivanting!’  I remember coming home and they said, “ Why you home 12:30 midnight!  Are you gala-ban-ting?!”  then I looked at the faux grandfather clock it was only 7:30pm.

-         I was reprimanded by taking a pen to school because apparently when it turns upside down the innocent nurse turns into a naked nurse.  I used my “No English” to my advantage and got off free.

     In retrospect, these are hilarious moments.  I tell my kids my FOBulous moments and they laugh.  They want to hear more.   I wholeheartedly admit how uncool I was and they love me for that.